Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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