I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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