Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
