but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
