Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
