names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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