so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
