ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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