So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
