It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
