The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
