Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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