Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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