dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
