Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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