I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
