Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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