is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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