we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
