I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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