Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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