thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize