we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my shit smells like andre
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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