i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize