this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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