I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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