Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
