I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
