I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
