the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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