please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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