She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
