He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
