Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
