i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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