a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize