Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize