I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
