I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's blow job season.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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