you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
