That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
