I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
