I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize