Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well you can't waste a boner
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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