I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
