I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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