butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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