Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
