you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
