I CAN MOONWALK!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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