You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
