We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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