Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
