a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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