I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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