Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
