Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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