Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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