dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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