You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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