I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My dick has a subreddit
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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