i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
In America we eat man semen.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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