he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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