how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
