There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
