Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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