Cold hands, warm shart.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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