just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
