dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
